An ache or small heartbeat drowns in ecstasy, warm and watery, the flesh is easy and lovable
An anticipation of something growing and wanting to birth. Not only from the inside but a amply supply of love entering from the outside, an invisible support, unable to touch or see, but a audible clear as a soft vibrational tone that seeps in, mostly absorbed in comfort. There is a darkness, but it does not arrive from fear, but of creation. Pain is unrecognizable , but bumps up against and rushes to the belly. Born of the Mother and of her ancestors of Earth.
We are born and upon our arrival our experience can be quite different. hospital to hospital,mid-wife to mid-wife, taxi to police car, cultural beliefs and religious traditions, some families celebrate in joy others in worry and fear and some are born in original sin still while others are of pure innocence. Nothing can be left out. This fear of life strikes with the first gasp for air. Then it finds a space to rest and we breathe into our expression never to feel the softness of the flesh or the watery blanket sewn of both the love of the divine and the human condition, but instead we welcome our separation and split from our divine self.
A Place Called Home
I believe this is what we are always coming back to, wanting to return, sensing it is a place called home. For myself an underlying hole or absence of being loved and lovable all at once. An act of abandonment ….I took it as far as a rejection from God. A darkness wanting to be filled in light and not knowing how to return to a space of truth. I have come to know this as life calling to me to love myself. Learning all this time spent in search and stretching my self for others can not possible fill this void.
I have found for me sitting willingly in the pain or the darkness, and completely alone can begin to transform this most deep experience of me. Going back to the root of my dis-taste for the breath or the misery of my unworthiness.
This is not to say I have not had a powerful strive and thirst for life and all the beauty and souls that surround me and take part in my journey, I am grateful .Oftentimes connecting in powerful deeds and tremendousness acts of love and kindness wrapped in intimacy.
I am very grateful to my bones for a path unfolding, but in my truth and search for truth it has unveiled a tiny hole of dark that lingers in my heart.
It has grown in darkness when acts of grieve and fear terrorize my own perception of what is next. A worry that fails to protect the most vulnerable me. Leading to a paralyzed reaction, frozen without a glimpse of self worth.
Today I am on a path of self discovery uncovering this low barring wall of sadness and ache, that I have attached to birth itself. It is a relief to find love and a new perception of me . I found myself alone and wanting to cling to anything or anyone to rescue me. I know it sounds a little defeating , but in truth it as been an amazing rescue. And I am the hero of the womb. I know I do not sit in perfection but far from it , but I do know a new fresh heart is longing to feel the love of me and when it starts to fill the darkness it has a chance to once again find a place I call home.
The story of the womb remains a mystery, the womb is a deep source of love from the internal and receiving the collective love from the external.
Come breathe with us
If you are in search of a deeper self love, let yourself begin in the mystery of the womb. Breathe into your inner hero, YOU! Click here to sign up for the next Breathwork Workshop.